I know life isn't supposed to be easy...but seriously...

I know, two posts

Within a short amount of time

Try not to die of shock, please :)

It's been a rough, long month here for Hubby and I

We found out at the beginning of the month that Hubby and all of his co-workers will be out of a job at the end of September

Apparently Convergys, who his company (NetApp) runs their UT location through, doesn't want NetApp anymore and is closing it's doors

MEANING....everyone that works there is toast and out of a job

Unless they want to move to South Carolina or something like that

Because NetApp has another location there

But we don't necessarily want to move to South Carolina

And Hubby doesn't necessarily want to continue working for NetApp

(and we don't even know that they're hiring right now)

Because even though Convergys is pushing them out and it's their fault that Hubby will be out of a job, NetApp is not the best company to work for

And he would like to move on with his life and find a better working environment

Hence the reason he decided to find a job outside of NetApp

There was a company he wanted, really wanted, to work for called Pure Storage that had great benefits, great pay, great everything to be honest

Too good to be true, truthfully

He applied, got selected for an interview, went in for the interview

Interview was great, we both felt good about things

He was probably 90% sure he was going to get the job

Fast forward to 2 days ago when I was talking to him at work and asked him if he had heard anything from them

And that's when he told me that some of the people he knew that had applied had received emails from the company with a job offer

4 of them

And there were only 6 positions available

And one of the guys who got the email told Hubby that his friend who had also applied also received an email

Meaning that the 6th person probably did as well

And we know that at least 4 of them accepted the offer

1 of them is on the fence, waiting for the company to counter the offer that his current job gave him to get him to stay there

And we have no idea who this illusive 6th person is

So unless one of those two people turn down the offers, and the company offers it to Hubby, he will not be getting that job

And let's just say I didn't handle that very well

I had to go and hide in the bathroom at work for a minute because all of the sudden all of the pressure of the world was on my shoulders and I became stressed to the max and what were we going to do?!?!

I don't make enough money at work to support us

Not even close

He's definitely the breadwinner in this relationship

And even if my parents wanted to they couldn't afford to give me a raise

So I sat in the bathroom for what felt like an eternity crying because I didn't know what we were going to do and this job was the answer

This job that he probably didn't get

This job that was too good to be true

He had another interview set up with a different data center

Which isn't a bad job either

The only major problem with it is it's only contracted out for a year

And then what?

And it doesn't offer as much as the other job did

If he were to get the Pure Storage job, I could have cut back to part time and gone to school more than just the piddly that I'm doing right now and actually finished school

And I was so excited to be able to do that

And now I don't know if I will be able to

His interview with the other data center went well, he thought, but they had more interviews to do and so he won't know for another week or two whether or not he gets the job

And we are slowly running out of time before he doesn't have a steady paycheck anymore

And it's been really stressful

At least for me

It hasn't seemed to phase him at all

But since, a. I don't make enough money to support us, and b. my paycheck isn't always the most stable this time of year, and c. our family business is going through a rocky, who knows what is going to happen, period...it's been really stressful for me

I know, have faith, it will all work

That's all anyone says to me

And that's all I tell myself right now

But that doesn't make it any easier

There will be random times throughout the day when I will just feel the need to break down and cry

And sometimes I do

When I get on Facebook and read statuses of people who "got the job" (whatever job that might be), especially when it was their dream job and they'll be making so much more money and life will be great now that they have their dream job, it's really hard

When I see people have babies, or say that they're going to start trying to have a baby, that's really hard

Because we were waiting until he was bringing in a little more money until we started to work towards kids so that we could actually support the future family we want

And we were hoping to maybe start that in January

And now it looks like we'll have to push that back

And that has been hard for me

And so it seems like all I do is cry right now

That must be my body's way of coping

You'd think with all of the tears it would have been coped enough for the entire United States

Or so it feels

And so that is what we're dealing with now

I have a friend from Arizona that is getting married the first weekend of September and I REALLY want to go down for her wedding, but can we justify that when we don't know if Hubby is going to have a job by the time September ends?

I've been taking this Medical Billing/Coding class online this Summer and I wish I could just sit down and finish said class in one day so that I could get certified and get a job in said field so that I could more easily support us in case he doesn't find a job

Why can't I make 1 day last 168 hours? (a whole week) I could finish it really fast if that were possible

So yeah

Life hasn't been easy on us for the past few weeks

Which is ironic because I've thought that, besides Hubby's health problems, our life was pretty great

And it felt like we were headed down the right track

And then life threw us a curve ball

A nasty, mean, awful curve ball

And I don't even a baseball mitt to catch it with

Rude!!

So we just keep trying to "go forth with faith", as Mama Smurf always says, and I will just keep a box of tissues next to me for the random oceans my eyes are producing