Monday, August 20, 2012

Pickles

I swear I've kept Kleenex in business this last week

My body has decided that it's been too long since Mr. Cold visited

So it threw it a big old party and welcomed it in with open arms

I think I we need to have a chat, my body and I

We're going to have issues if it keeps making friends with the enemies

****

I don't have the best veins in the world

In the past whenever I've had to get my blood drawn, they've always had to go digging

Which led to a great dislike for needles

But the last few times my blood has been taken from me, the little blood stealing person has been nice enough to find it on the first try

Well, I had to go to a different doctor last week and sent me to their lab to get my blood drawn for a test they wanted to run

When I sat down the girl hinted at being new, which made me really nervous, because I have never had a good experience with a new person

I think my veins also heard her, which caused them to sink as deep as they could to hide

She was nice, and she tried hard to be careful because I had told her about previous bad experiences I had had

During her first attempt, she couldn't find the vein with the needle, so she called over this guy who apparently had been doing it a lot longer and asked him for help

He tried, and couldn't find it, and told her she needed to tighten the tourniquet a little bit more

I joked with her and told her that apparently she needed to make sure I didn't have an arm left over when she was done

That's how tight he had her make it

I have never had a tourniquet that tight

And people have had better luck than they did with drawing my blood

Afterwards she tried my hand (because sometimes people have better success with my hands...which is ironic because I don't have amazing blood circulation in my hands)

And he came over again and tried to find the vein

And then he sent her far away into the desolate parts of the office where they send the people who aren't as good as them and are viewed as beneath them

At least that's how I felt like he treated her

He came over and proceeded to cut off all blood flow to my body

I guess I didn't need my arms and hands anyway....

He then proceeded to tell me how it was all of MY fault for not drinking enough water

Excuse me?

You must not be around me ever day

You must not be one of the people that has to cover the register for me every time I have to go to the bathroom

Because if you were, you would realize that I drink a lot of water

Don't blame my bad veins/your incompetence on my supposedly not drinking enough water

Especially when I had already mentioned that I drink a lot of water

Regularly

Especially when you don't even know me

So today I went to my regular doctor to get my blood drawn for a different test

(I think I'm not going to have any blood by the time this is done...anyone want to give me a blood transfusion?)

And what do you know, it took him one poke and a tiny bit of maneuvering until he found my vein

It's amazing what a little bit of competency will do to a person

I know that everyone has to learn, and they all have to start somewhere...I just think they should start/learn with people who have nice veins that aren't hard to find

Either that or people who don't have a deep hatred for needles

****

Have any of you ever had the opportunity to use the Bing translation on facebook?

I have a lot of friends who aren't from the US, and while I speak the same languages that the majority of them speak, there are a few of them I don't quite understand all of the way

Like French

I can understand some of it because I speak Spanish and some Portuguese, just not all of it

So the first time I noticed that Bing translation option, I clicked on it because I was curious how accurate it would be

And it wasn't so much

So now whenever I see it I click on it just because it makes me laugh

So the other day one of my friends posted something in French and I clicked to have it translated because I wanted to fill in the blanks of what I didn't know

And what I found had me cracking up


I find the "exas drunk me so much" and "screw up his vacation...and be disgusted" the most hilarious

And then, the other day I went to Wallie World really fast and found this:


It's amazing how one tiny little apostrophe can change the tone of the whole sentence

They were sorry for any inconvenience, but they're not any more

They decided we don't deserve their apologies, we just have to deal with what we're given

And as I was emailing this photo to myself, I noticed the incorrect spelling of inconvenience

Whoever wrote this must have been having a bad day

And then yesterday I was on pinterest trying to get ideas for the reception and saw this


There must be a serious epidemic going around of not knowing how to use apostrophes

They were engaged, just not anymore

Makes me wonder what happened

So sad to see a relationship end like that

Alright, I'm off to pick up Fiance so we can do some more preparations for the wedding

Tonight were going through his pictures

But maybe not anymore 

Well have to see if the apostrophe decides to show up or is going to leave us stranded

6 comments:

Tony Van Helsing said...

Are you sure you even have veins?

Nessa said...

Ouch, sorry about your vein issues. It sounds painful, and would make me absolutely hate needles too. I already dislike them.
My computer uses google translating. Usually it turns up results that make a little more sense. I'm not a Bing fan at all.

Jolyn Lloyd Matthews said...

Just say no to needles! I have my blood drawn frequently and I totally understand not wanting newbies. I have had to have a few IV's lately and they are not so awesome either. My tip: always ask for the arm because the top of the hand hurts much, much worse. I just tell them that my blood likes to stay inside my body where it belongs. So what if it likes to curl up with a book and blanket instead of heading out of town?

Pat Tillett said...

Hey there! The engagement announcement is pretty cute.
Okay, to the blood letting. When I go, I tell them that they have one chance and one chance only. If they don't succeed the first time, I'm gone... I have pretty large and easy to find veins, so it is not usually a problem. I understand though...

Dazee Dreamer said...

I feel your pain on the blood. You know, I'm right there with you.

I love that were engaged. so funny

Powdered Toast Man said...

We just taste tested some cake for our big day. Less than two months!